We Indians have always been a bunch of optimists - even a minute improvement over status quo is an occasion to celebrate & rejoice.Inspite of obvious logic, we continue to hope that the cricket team will win, even though statistics show that there is a 55% chance that we will lose.
The current euphoria about the 'India' story might be based on such an illogical optimism as well. All the economic indicators seem to beheading in the right direction, there is a general feel-good floating around, every man & woman worth a few million are jumping on to the organised retail bandwagon, along with a bunch of foreign cos, India Inc is shopping abroad for acquisitions, mergers etc - so why should we not be optimistic?
Beneath the thin layer of the middle class well being, the same old story continues. The SC stay on the proposed reservation is bound to expose the ugly belly of Indian governance systems. The caste based vote banks & the misplaced sense of self-identity which makes us feel proud when LN Mittal, a self confesssed European takes over a steel plant & makes us feel wronged when someone comes out openly against affirmative action will all come into play now. Suddenly the so called ambassadors of reforms - the PM & FM - are unable to do anything.
It is a classic case of mob mentality. Surely the idea of reservation,like our subsidies on food, fertilisers, power etc is one with good intentions. But it is an absolute lack of faith in the system to identify the right recipient & ensure 100% delivery to him & him alone that is casting all the doubts. It is not enough for the FM to speak in a polished & self-assured manner that he is confident of the system & the need for the reservation, the average man on the street should feel it also. In the absence of any such assurance, these measures are nothing but creation of future channels for corruption. If we are unable to do anything about improving the efficiency of the current systems, the least we should be doing is not to put in place more of the same.
Nowhere in the world is there a competition to remain backward, the court has said. A society which has been bred on tolerance to inefficiency, the need to break traffic rules to reach on time & no sense of moral responsibility to the society as a whole, will not see a demand for reservation based purely on caste & not according to social standing, as something derogatory. Instead, it is a given, an opportunity which is rightfully theirs, irrespective of economic or educational standing.
Some people feel that a growing economy will have a trickle down effect which will reach all its population. The problem in India is that it takes too damn long. Basic necessities such as child healthcare,housing, food & water are still not 'basic necessities' for a large section of our population. Those are luxuries. It is this set of population who has to be given opportunities so that their inherent disadvantages are offset by reservation. How many among them know how to make use of this reservation? How many of them can afford the cost of an OBC certificate?
Opportunist politicians have already jumped the gun & announced measures of protest. Tamil Nadu where reservation is about 74% in some cases was the first one to do so. To speak against reservations can be a case of shooting oneself in politics. A bit worse, actually. Seasoned politicians will point to the increased interference of the judiciary with the legislature. Opposition will point fingers at the lack of preparation of the govt. They will not stop at anything to make this into the next big thing.We did not make it to the Super-8. A whole bunch of Indians were sitting around without any excitement. We can trust our leaders more than our cricketers to deliver that every time. The tamasha is set to begin. Let us hope that sense prevails & innocents do not get hurt.
Friday, March 30, 2007
Saturday, February 03, 2007
Big Boss - Part II
While popularity of Indian cuisine hit an all time high last week, with the formal induction of the word 'Popaddum' into the Oxford dictionary as "a racial slur", the producers of the Indian 'Big Boss' show have been disappointed. Let alone a racial incident, there has not even been any catfights, throwing of cutlery at each other, abuse of family members, regional jokes, attempts at poisoning or even Karan Johar jokes worth mentioning, in the show yet.
Some observers say that the MTV show 'Roadies' - which are about teenagers trying to vote out each other, as opposed to Big Boss where middle aged men & women try the same thing - has got more expletives & intensity. Clearly more the bleeps, better the show. Big Boss's answer to the lack of apparent animosity among the housemates has been to provide as many opportunities as possible for Rakhi Sawant to break into a dance, wild gyrations et al. In a few episodes, Arshad Warsi had to do his 'Circuit' accent to provide some relief to the 3 viewers who regularly tune in.To ensure better viewership & more intensity, the producers have already thought of a few ideas.
1. Introduce Mika as a wild card entry & keep playing his latest song "Tumne pappi kyon li" constantly in the background.
2.The three judges of 'Nach Balliye' will evaluate each performance & offer tips on 'Chemistry' & 'dance quality'. Every three episodes one of them will cry. At the end of 5 episodes, Saroj Khan may collapse due to the sheer no of correct hip movements that she will have to demonstrate.
3. Ask Ekta KKapoor to be the guest producer. Faced with a certain extension of the show for upto 5 years, the contestants will really start thinking of ways to eliminate each other or at least jump over the swimming pool fence & run away.
4. Send in Himesh Reshammiya with a torch. After breaking down all other contestants through sheer lung power, eventually he will figure out that the torch is not a microphone & the world will discover whether he sleeps with his cap on or not.
5. Send in Salman & tell him that Carol Gracias' real name is 'black buck'
Some observers say that the MTV show 'Roadies' - which are about teenagers trying to vote out each other, as opposed to Big Boss where middle aged men & women try the same thing - has got more expletives & intensity. Clearly more the bleeps, better the show. Big Boss's answer to the lack of apparent animosity among the housemates has been to provide as many opportunities as possible for Rakhi Sawant to break into a dance, wild gyrations et al. In a few episodes, Arshad Warsi had to do his 'Circuit' accent to provide some relief to the 3 viewers who regularly tune in.To ensure better viewership & more intensity, the producers have already thought of a few ideas.
1. Introduce Mika as a wild card entry & keep playing his latest song "Tumne pappi kyon li" constantly in the background.
2.The three judges of 'Nach Balliye' will evaluate each performance & offer tips on 'Chemistry' & 'dance quality'. Every three episodes one of them will cry. At the end of 5 episodes, Saroj Khan may collapse due to the sheer no of correct hip movements that she will have to demonstrate.
3. Ask Ekta KKapoor to be the guest producer. Faced with a certain extension of the show for upto 5 years, the contestants will really start thinking of ways to eliminate each other or at least jump over the swimming pool fence & run away.
4. Send in Himesh Reshammiya with a torch. After breaking down all other contestants through sheer lung power, eventually he will figure out that the torch is not a microphone & the world will discover whether he sleeps with his cap on or not.
5. Send in Salman & tell him that Carol Gracias' real name is 'black buck'
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
50 years of Kerala
When Parasuraman, in a mad burst of anger flung his axe into the sea to reclaim a little strip of land, he would not have guessed that the fiery axe throwing, revolutionary, opinionated spirit would be the driving force of the people who came to live in that land.
Today, Kerala as we know it turns 50. Despite having probably the least no of working days in the country & the maximum no of 'opinion makers' - those who sit around all day making opinions, Kerala has done remarkably well for itself. What better a day than today to think of some of the myriad contributions this state has made to the world...!!
Food
Kerala has an exotic range of cuisine, from the globally acclaimed breakfasts of Puttu & appams, along with a staggering variety of non veg dishes that we eat through every day. But there are some which stand out, because of their contribution to brand Kerala.
1. Banana chips
Every little junction in Kerala now has a cart selling banana chips - with the flavour, thickness & colour varying from town to town. So you have the thicker, salt & pepper flavoured chips from Trivandrum to the svelte ones from Trichur to the even more anorexic ones in Calicut, each claiming to be the authentic 'mother of all banana chips'. Stores even display certificates of participation in the 'Annual banana convention' & sure enough there must be an All Kerala Banana Chips Sellers Association - with two wings having leftist & rightist orientations.
Any self respecting Keralite knows that it is his/her responsibility to bring back kiloes of chips back to where all self respecting Keralites work - outside Kerala. We also know that these chips are available in railway stations across the country, just in case we forget to get the 'authentic ones' .
The best chips : Shanmugha chips, near Sree Chitra Home, Thakaraparambu,Trivandrum
2. Kerala Porotta
There are conflicting claims about the origin of this multi faceted roti. In TN, they sell it as Ceylon Paratha & since I do not profess any regional cuisine knowledge whatsoever, I shall not give any other conflicting claims. Two shops away from each banana chips stall is the Porotta counter. The making of the Porotta is an art in itself - the love affair with oil beginning at times almost 3 hours before the actual making of it.
For some reason, we have decided that this art is something to be displayed - so all the 'chicken corners' & shops selling 'chapathi & chicken' will have the Porotta counter outside, where a gruff looking lungi clad man will go about beating up, dipping in oil, stretching, dipping in oil, flipping & fanning in the air, dipping in oil, elongating, dipping in oil, creating a jalebi like pattern, dipping in oil, beating with a flat palm, dipping in oil, putting on a black slab, splashing on oil, creating a stash, beating the crap out of it & finally dipping in oil for some flavour. And magically, the multi layered porotta is created. According to specialists, the more you beat up the porotta, the more layers it will get. Clearly a Type B approach to food.
The best porotta - "balayannan's" shop which started as a cart, now apparently a business conglomerate near the Uppidamood bridge, Kaithamukku, Trivandrum. For those not clued in to Malayalam phrases - 'annan' - a term denoting respect similar to 'Bhai', 'Annai'
3. Beef Fry
People think that Kerala is a land of beefeaters. It is largely true. Though this is ascribed to the pluralistic society, it is largely due to the fact that we are not averse to eating any animal - holy or not. Kerala, because of its strong communist & socialist roots has a poor man's version for everything - for eg, the movie star Dileep is considered as a poor mans Mohanlal & so on. Beef is the poor man's - as well as students', daily workers' and the headload workers unions' (who constitute about 80% of Kerala's able bodied youth & 90% of Kerala's able bodied old men) - chicken.
There are many varieties to the Beef fry - known as beef chilli, beef chilli fry, beef roast etc, depending on where you eat it. One amazing thing is that beef fry is perhaps the only dish which is served garnished with onion rings, irrespective of the size, smell & location of the joint. Best eaten with Kerala Porotta.
The best beef fry - Mali rest-o-rent, 'Kavala', Changanacherry, Kottayam Dist
Again - 'Kavala' literally means junction. So Kavala in changanacherry is the biggest junction there. (Yes, things are simple in Gods own country)
4. Coconut oil
Some may argue that coconut oil is not a complete food. But we know that every day you have to have your proteins, carbs, vitamins & coconut oil. Scientists across the world are in a mad race to prove that coconut oil is the latest 'fad' oil. Many a weak hearted man have fallen to the charms of coconut oil, and till Oprah tells us about the magic qualities of this oil, we just have to take the risk & get on with it.
No other ingredient has been able to polarise the population in a way like coconut oil - if you like it, you dont know what it tastes like, so you are ok with it OR if you dont like it, you steer clear of all dishes cooked in it. There is a misconception that all dishes in Kerala are cooked with some coconut oil in it. This is largely true. I have a feeling that this extensive use of coconut oil has something to do with the syllabus that we are taught in junior school - the coconut tree is called the 'Kalpa Vriksham' - whose every part has some use or the other. The latest involved generating electricity from coconut oil, but those reports are still unconfirmed.
5. Sharjah shakes
For every Keralite living in Kerala, there are two working in Dubai & one in Sharjah. So it is only natural that this 'Gulf influence' percolate to food & drinks. Sharjah shake is one such phenomenon. The exact formula for sharjah shake is a closely guarded secret, known only to the late great grandfather of the Sharjah Stall owner in Chinnakada, Quilon.So a no of variants have appeared, but all that is in the public domain is that it contains frozen milk, bournvita (or any similar substitute), a small banana & sugar.
Here again, many cities vie for the claim of introducing 'Sharjah' to the masses - but the leadrunners are Quilon & Calicut. The drink is guaranteed to freeze your tongue - you know you have had a good 'Sharjah' when whatever you say for 10 minutes - sounds surprisingly similar to "...yeeble jeeble.." & you find it difficult to close your mouth. 'Sharjah' connoisseurs will scoff at anyone who tries to use a spoon or straw to drink it & will gulp it down in a 'bottoms up' fashion. Like every successful brand, 'Sharjah' has also had its share of rip offs - ranging from "Abu dhabi" to "Al Ain" to "Paris" & "Diana" - all substituting the banana with some other fruit.
The best sharjah - Stall at Chinnakada, Quilon
5. Others narrowly missing the cut were -a. Kozhikode Halwa,b. Appams,c. Banana Fry,d. Kappa (Tapioca) & Fish currye. Puttu (Steamed rice cake)
Today, Kerala as we know it turns 50. Despite having probably the least no of working days in the country & the maximum no of 'opinion makers' - those who sit around all day making opinions, Kerala has done remarkably well for itself. What better a day than today to think of some of the myriad contributions this state has made to the world...!!
Food
Kerala has an exotic range of cuisine, from the globally acclaimed breakfasts of Puttu & appams, along with a staggering variety of non veg dishes that we eat through every day. But there are some which stand out, because of their contribution to brand Kerala.
1. Banana chips
Every little junction in Kerala now has a cart selling banana chips - with the flavour, thickness & colour varying from town to town. So you have the thicker, salt & pepper flavoured chips from Trivandrum to the svelte ones from Trichur to the even more anorexic ones in Calicut, each claiming to be the authentic 'mother of all banana chips'. Stores even display certificates of participation in the 'Annual banana convention' & sure enough there must be an All Kerala Banana Chips Sellers Association - with two wings having leftist & rightist orientations.
Any self respecting Keralite knows that it is his/her responsibility to bring back kiloes of chips back to where all self respecting Keralites work - outside Kerala. We also know that these chips are available in railway stations across the country, just in case we forget to get the 'authentic ones' .
The best chips : Shanmugha chips, near Sree Chitra Home, Thakaraparambu,Trivandrum
2. Kerala Porotta
There are conflicting claims about the origin of this multi faceted roti. In TN, they sell it as Ceylon Paratha & since I do not profess any regional cuisine knowledge whatsoever, I shall not give any other conflicting claims. Two shops away from each banana chips stall is the Porotta counter. The making of the Porotta is an art in itself - the love affair with oil beginning at times almost 3 hours before the actual making of it.
For some reason, we have decided that this art is something to be displayed - so all the 'chicken corners' & shops selling 'chapathi & chicken' will have the Porotta counter outside, where a gruff looking lungi clad man will go about beating up, dipping in oil, stretching, dipping in oil, flipping & fanning in the air, dipping in oil, elongating, dipping in oil, creating a jalebi like pattern, dipping in oil, beating with a flat palm, dipping in oil, putting on a black slab, splashing on oil, creating a stash, beating the crap out of it & finally dipping in oil for some flavour. And magically, the multi layered porotta is created. According to specialists, the more you beat up the porotta, the more layers it will get. Clearly a Type B approach to food.
The best porotta - "balayannan's" shop which started as a cart, now apparently a business conglomerate near the Uppidamood bridge, Kaithamukku, Trivandrum. For those not clued in to Malayalam phrases - 'annan' - a term denoting respect similar to 'Bhai', 'Annai'
3. Beef Fry
People think that Kerala is a land of beefeaters. It is largely true. Though this is ascribed to the pluralistic society, it is largely due to the fact that we are not averse to eating any animal - holy or not. Kerala, because of its strong communist & socialist roots has a poor man's version for everything - for eg, the movie star Dileep is considered as a poor mans Mohanlal & so on. Beef is the poor man's - as well as students', daily workers' and the headload workers unions' (who constitute about 80% of Kerala's able bodied youth & 90% of Kerala's able bodied old men) - chicken.
There are many varieties to the Beef fry - known as beef chilli, beef chilli fry, beef roast etc, depending on where you eat it. One amazing thing is that beef fry is perhaps the only dish which is served garnished with onion rings, irrespective of the size, smell & location of the joint. Best eaten with Kerala Porotta.
The best beef fry - Mali rest-o-rent, 'Kavala', Changanacherry, Kottayam Dist
Again - 'Kavala' literally means junction. So Kavala in changanacherry is the biggest junction there. (Yes, things are simple in Gods own country)
4. Coconut oil
Some may argue that coconut oil is not a complete food. But we know that every day you have to have your proteins, carbs, vitamins & coconut oil. Scientists across the world are in a mad race to prove that coconut oil is the latest 'fad' oil. Many a weak hearted man have fallen to the charms of coconut oil, and till Oprah tells us about the magic qualities of this oil, we just have to take the risk & get on with it.
No other ingredient has been able to polarise the population in a way like coconut oil - if you like it, you dont know what it tastes like, so you are ok with it OR if you dont like it, you steer clear of all dishes cooked in it. There is a misconception that all dishes in Kerala are cooked with some coconut oil in it. This is largely true. I have a feeling that this extensive use of coconut oil has something to do with the syllabus that we are taught in junior school - the coconut tree is called the 'Kalpa Vriksham' - whose every part has some use or the other. The latest involved generating electricity from coconut oil, but those reports are still unconfirmed.
5. Sharjah shakes
For every Keralite living in Kerala, there are two working in Dubai & one in Sharjah. So it is only natural that this 'Gulf influence' percolate to food & drinks. Sharjah shake is one such phenomenon. The exact formula for sharjah shake is a closely guarded secret, known only to the late great grandfather of the Sharjah Stall owner in Chinnakada, Quilon.So a no of variants have appeared, but all that is in the public domain is that it contains frozen milk, bournvita (or any similar substitute), a small banana & sugar.
Here again, many cities vie for the claim of introducing 'Sharjah' to the masses - but the leadrunners are Quilon & Calicut. The drink is guaranteed to freeze your tongue - you know you have had a good 'Sharjah' when whatever you say for 10 minutes - sounds surprisingly similar to "...yeeble jeeble.." & you find it difficult to close your mouth. 'Sharjah' connoisseurs will scoff at anyone who tries to use a spoon or straw to drink it & will gulp it down in a 'bottoms up' fashion. Like every successful brand, 'Sharjah' has also had its share of rip offs - ranging from "Abu dhabi" to "Al Ain" to "Paris" & "Diana" - all substituting the banana with some other fruit.
The best sharjah - Stall at Chinnakada, Quilon
5. Others narrowly missing the cut were -a. Kozhikode Halwa,b. Appams,c. Banana Fry,d. Kappa (Tapioca) & Fish currye. Puttu (Steamed rice cake)
Friday, September 29, 2006
One year old..!!
Yes, unbelievable as it may seem this 'blog' is one year old..!!
It has been an interesting one year, where in the first few posts I have tried being an activist, later eloquent and finally settling down to a 'supposedly' funny take on things. As with all things, there were a burst of posts & then 'a dead silence' for long periods after that. I have also started many series of posts which are supposed to have second & third parts but painfully remain single.
I feel this has not been your typical blog, as I have not been writing about what a lousy or great day I have been having at work, or for that matter where I work. It has been a random collection of impersonal thoughts, dominated at times by K-Jo, Suniel Shetty & Salman. I feel that they are indeed 'icons' of these silly times that we live in!
I have also consciously not linked any blogger on my page, nor have I tried to 'voice' myself at their pages. This has meant that the 'millions of bucks' that I hoped to earn are yet to materialise. But a couple of my posts have been published as cover stories in JAM magazine, so at least I can see the door where I should have a foot in.
I believe (hope) that there are a few regular readers out there. Of course I have not been keeping up the interest levels with regular posts. So from now, I will try real hard to post at least once in a week or so.
Every writer keeps going because of feedback & here I wish for more.
It has been an interesting one year, where in the first few posts I have tried being an activist, later eloquent and finally settling down to a 'supposedly' funny take on things. As with all things, there were a burst of posts & then 'a dead silence' for long periods after that. I have also started many series of posts which are supposed to have second & third parts but painfully remain single.
I feel this has not been your typical blog, as I have not been writing about what a lousy or great day I have been having at work, or for that matter where I work. It has been a random collection of impersonal thoughts, dominated at times by K-Jo, Suniel Shetty & Salman. I feel that they are indeed 'icons' of these silly times that we live in!
I have also consciously not linked any blogger on my page, nor have I tried to 'voice' myself at their pages. This has meant that the 'millions of bucks' that I hoped to earn are yet to materialise. But a couple of my posts have been published as cover stories in JAM magazine, so at least I can see the door where I should have a foot in.
I believe (hope) that there are a few regular readers out there. Of course I have not been keeping up the interest levels with regular posts. So from now, I will try real hard to post at least once in a week or so.
Every writer keeps going because of feedback & here I wish for more.
Monday, August 21, 2006
The "Wright" Eleven
Stung by severe criticism of being too regional in their approach by none other than the erstwhile John Wright, the Indian selection committee for once decided to cast away their regional accents & select the playing eleven entirely on merit. This pure merit selection actually paved the way for a lot of non-entities in the field of cricket to enter the team based on sheer skill & past experience.
Captain - Salman Khan
Their quest for an allrounder captain - who can bowl maidens over, match wits or biceps if required with hefty australians & most importantly one who would not look like a wimp with his shirt off (who can forget Sourav's infamous celebration in England) - ended at Salman khan. Armed with the right accent for the job & exceptional fielding & throwing skills (he is once rumoured to have killed a black buck with a cricket ball), Salman is sure to take Indian cricket to the next level
Slip fielder 1/No 4 batsmen - Jaswant Singh
A man determined to not let any one - mole or no mole - slip by during his watch, Jaswant is a natural choice for the slip fielder. One who has to keep his eyes & ears open, with experience in sledging - openly by calling people names -the slip fielder is one critical position. More over with his antiquated form of dressing, Jaswant is sure to bring back some sweet/bitter memories of the gentlemans game for old timers.
Slip fielder 2/No 5 batsmen - Dalmiya
One key requirement of a slip fielder is razor sharp reflexes & a determination to hang in there. Mr Dalmiya with his years of experience of staying low & still in the same position & an uncanny ability to keep things to himself was a sure shot selection to the team. Moreover with his 40 GB inbox full of emails written by ex cricketers about the current crop, he is rumoured to have something to say to every opening batsman worth his salt.
Wicket keeper batsmen - Himesh Reshamiyya
The most important weapon in a WK's armoury is his voice. From the golden times of Kiran More to the present day Kamran Akmals of the world, WKs have revelled in abusing the batsman and asking "Housaaa" to the umpire every 3 minutes. Himesh Reshamiyya, better known as the 'nightingale of modern india' who has single handedly transformed the nasal twang into a style statement, was a unanimous choice for the WK post. As many as 4 pakistani batsmen who had listened to him earlier are rumoured to be thinking of retirement than bat with the nightingale behind them.
Someone who has proved her mettle in all types of battle fields & playgrounds, Barkha's reputation of throwing a bouncer every six minutes, her ability to make the public swing either way and the innumerable appeals that she has made in her lifetime, made her a natural choice for 'opening bowler'. Insiders in the BCCI claim that she has already done her research on most umpires in the panel & is ready to travel to remote corners of the world to their houses to appeal to them better.
Spin bowler 1 - Rajdeep Sardesai
A man known to put a new spin to every story, it was his deceptive charm & guile which earned Rajdeep the coveted role of 'spin bowler' in the Indian team. He has apparently developed a 'Chaudha', a delivery which he claims will be 'Breaking News' whenever he bowls it - as an answer to the 'Doosras' & 'Theesras' which are now common place.Known to carry a hidden camera wherever he goes, Rajdeep has apparently asked the committee not to include him in any day night matches as this would affect the 'State of the Nation' as we know it.
(To be continued..)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)