Stung by severe criticism of being too regional in their approach by none other than the erstwhile John Wright, the Indian selection committee for once decided to cast away their regional accents & select the playing eleven entirely on merit. This pure merit selection actually paved the way for a lot of non-entities in the field of cricket to enter the team based on sheer skill & past experience.
Captain - Salman Khan
Their quest for an allrounder captain - who can bowl maidens over, match wits or biceps if required with hefty australians & most importantly one who would not look like a wimp with his shirt off (who can forget Sourav's infamous celebration in England) - ended at Salman khan. Armed with the right accent for the job & exceptional fielding & throwing skills (he is once rumoured to have killed a black buck with a cricket ball), Salman is sure to take Indian cricket to the next level
Slip fielder 1/No 4 batsmen - Jaswant Singh
A man determined to not let any one - mole or no mole - slip by during his watch, Jaswant is a natural choice for the slip fielder. One who has to keep his eyes & ears open, with experience in sledging - openly by calling people names -the slip fielder is one critical position. More over with his antiquated form of dressing, Jaswant is sure to bring back some sweet/bitter memories of the gentlemans game for old timers.
Slip fielder 2/No 5 batsmen - Dalmiya
One key requirement of a slip fielder is razor sharp reflexes & a determination to hang in there. Mr Dalmiya with his years of experience of staying low & still in the same position & an uncanny ability to keep things to himself was a sure shot selection to the team. Moreover with his 40 GB inbox full of emails written by ex cricketers about the current crop, he is rumoured to have something to say to every opening batsman worth his salt.
Wicket keeper batsmen - Himesh Reshamiyya
The most important weapon in a WK's armoury is his voice. From the golden times of Kiran More to the present day Kamran Akmals of the world, WKs have revelled in abusing the batsman and asking "Housaaa" to the umpire every 3 minutes. Himesh Reshamiyya, better known as the 'nightingale of modern india' who has single handedly transformed the nasal twang into a style statement, was a unanimous choice for the WK post. As many as 4 pakistani batsmen who had listened to him earlier are rumoured to be thinking of retirement than bat with the nightingale behind them.
Someone who has proved her mettle in all types of battle fields & playgrounds, Barkha's reputation of throwing a bouncer every six minutes, her ability to make the public swing either way and the innumerable appeals that she has made in her lifetime, made her a natural choice for 'opening bowler'. Insiders in the BCCI claim that she has already done her research on most umpires in the panel & is ready to travel to remote corners of the world to their houses to appeal to them better.
Spin bowler 1 - Rajdeep Sardesai
A man known to put a new spin to every story, it was his deceptive charm & guile which earned Rajdeep the coveted role of 'spin bowler' in the Indian team. He has apparently developed a 'Chaudha', a delivery which he claims will be 'Breaking News' whenever he bowls it - as an answer to the 'Doosras' & 'Theesras' which are now common place.Known to carry a hidden camera wherever he goes, Rajdeep has apparently asked the committee not to include him in any day night matches as this would affect the 'State of the Nation' as we know it.
(To be continued..)
