50 years of Kerala

When Parasuraman, in a mad burst of anger flung his axe into the sea to reclaim a little strip of land, he would not have guessed that the fiery axe throwing, revolutionary, opinionated spirit would be the driving force of the people who came to live in that land.

Today, Kerala as we know it turns 50. Despite having probably the least no of working days in the country & the maximum no of 'opinion makers' - those who sit around all day making opinions, Kerala has done remarkably well for itself. What better a day than today to think of some of the myriad contributions this state has made to the world...!!

Food

Kerala has an exotic range of cuisine, from the globally acclaimed breakfasts of Puttu & appams, along with a staggering variety of non veg dishes that we eat through every day. But there are some which stand out, because of their contribution to brand Kerala.

1. Banana chips

Every little junction in Kerala now has a cart selling banana chips - with the flavour, thickness & colour varying from town to town. So you have the thicker, salt & pepper flavoured chips from Trivandrum to the svelte ones from Trichur to the even more anorexic ones in Calicut, each claiming to be the authentic 'mother of all banana chips'. Stores even display certificates of participation in the 'Annual banana convention' & sure enough there must be an All Kerala Banana Chips Sellers Association - with two wings having leftist & rightist orientations.

Any self respecting Keralite knows that it is his/her responsibility to bring back kiloes of chips back to where all self respecting Keralites work - outside Kerala. We also know that these chips are available in railway stations across the country, just in case we forget to get the 'authentic ones' .
The best chips : Shanmugha chips, near Sree Chitra Home, Thakaraparambu,Trivandrum

2. Kerala Porotta

There are conflicting claims about the origin of this multi faceted roti. In TN, they sell it as Ceylon Paratha & since I do not profess any regional cuisine knowledge whatsoever, I shall not give any other conflicting claims. Two shops away from each banana chips stall is the Porotta counter. The making of the Porotta is an art in itself - the love affair with oil beginning at times almost 3 hours before the actual making of it.

For some reason, we have decided that this art is something to be displayed - so all the 'chicken corners' & shops selling 'chapathi & chicken' will have the Porotta counter outside, where a gruff looking lungi clad man will go about beating up, dipping in oil, stretching, dipping in oil, flipping & fanning in the air, dipping in oil, elongating, dipping in oil, creating a jalebi like pattern, dipping in oil, beating with a flat palm, dipping in oil, putting on a black slab, splashing on oil, creating a stash, beating the crap out of it & finally dipping in oil for some flavour. And magically, the multi layered porotta is created. According to specialists, the more you beat up the porotta, the more layers it will get. Clearly a Type B approach to food.

The best porotta - "balayannan's" shop which started as a cart, now apparently a business conglomerate near the Uppidamood bridge, Kaithamukku, Trivandrum. For those not clued in to Malayalam phrases - 'annan' - a term denoting respect similar to 'Bhai', 'Annai'

3. Beef Fry

People think that Kerala is a land of beefeaters. It is largely true. Though this is ascribed to the pluralistic society, it is largely due to the fact that we are not averse to eating any animal - holy or not. Kerala, because of its strong communist & socialist roots has a poor man's version for everything - for eg, the movie star Dileep is considered as a poor mans Mohanlal & so on. Beef is the poor man's - as well as students', daily workers' and the headload workers unions' (who constitute about 80% of Kerala's able bodied youth & 90% of Kerala's able bodied old men) - chicken.

There are many varieties to the Beef fry - known as beef chilli, beef chilli fry, beef roast etc, depending on where you eat it. One amazing thing is that beef fry is perhaps the only dish which is served garnished with onion rings, irrespective of the size, smell & location of the joint. Best eaten with Kerala Porotta.

The best beef fry - Mali rest-o-rent, 'Kavala', Changanacherry, Kottayam Dist
Again - 'Kavala' literally means junction. So Kavala in changanacherry is the biggest junction there. (Yes, things are simple in Gods own country)

4. Coconut oil

Some may argue that coconut oil is not a complete food. But we know that every day you have to have your proteins, carbs, vitamins & coconut oil. Scientists across the world are in a mad race to prove that coconut oil is the latest 'fad' oil. Many a weak hearted man have fallen to the charms of coconut oil, and till Oprah tells us about the magic qualities of this oil, we just have to take the risk & get on with it.

No other ingredient has been able to polarise the population in a way like coconut oil - if you like it, you dont know what it tastes like, so you are ok with it OR if you dont like it, you steer clear of all dishes cooked in it. There is a misconception that all dishes in Kerala are cooked with some coconut oil in it. This is largely true. I have a feeling that this extensive use of coconut oil has something to do with the syllabus that we are taught in junior school - the coconut tree is called the 'Kalpa Vriksham' - whose every part has some use or the other. The latest involved generating electricity from coconut oil, but those reports are still unconfirmed.

5. Sharjah shakes

For every Keralite living in Kerala, there are two working in Dubai & one in Sharjah. So it is only natural that this 'Gulf influence' percolate to food & drinks. Sharjah shake is one such phenomenon. The exact formula for sharjah shake is a closely guarded secret, known only to the late great grandfather of the Sharjah Stall owner in Chinnakada, Quilon.So a no of variants have appeared, but all that is in the public domain is that it contains frozen milk, bournvita (or any similar substitute), a small banana & sugar.

Here again, many cities vie for the claim of introducing 'Sharjah' to the masses - but the leadrunners are Quilon & Calicut. The drink is guaranteed to freeze your tongue - you know you have had a good 'Sharjah' when whatever you say for 10 minutes - sounds surprisingly similar to "...yeeble jeeble.." & you find it difficult to close your mouth. 'Sharjah' connoisseurs will scoff at anyone who tries to use a spoon or straw to drink it & will gulp it down in a 'bottoms up' fashion. Like every successful brand, 'Sharjah' has also had its share of rip offs - ranging from "Abu dhabi" to "Al Ain" to "Paris" & "Diana" - all substituting the banana with some other fruit.

The best sharjah - Stall at Chinnakada, Quilon

5. Others narrowly missing the cut were -a. Kozhikode Halwa,b. Appams,c. Banana Fry,d. Kappa (Tapioca) & Fish currye. Puttu (Steamed rice cake)

One year old..!!

Yes, unbelievable as it may seem this 'blog' is one year old..!!

It has been an interesting one year, where in the first few posts I have tried being an activist, later eloquent and finally settling down to a 'supposedly' funny take on things. As with all things, there were a burst of posts & then 'a dead silence' for long periods after that. I have also started many series of posts which are supposed to have second & third parts but painfully remain single.

I feel this has not been your typical blog, as I have not been writing about what a lousy or great day I have been having at work, or for that matter where I work. It has been a random collection of impersonal thoughts, dominated at times by K-Jo, Suniel Shetty & Salman. I feel that they are indeed 'icons' of these silly times that we live in!

I have also consciously not linked any blogger on my page, nor have I tried to 'voice' myself at their pages. This has meant that the 'millions of bucks' that I hoped to earn are yet to materialise. But a couple of my posts have been published as cover stories in JAM magazine, so at least I can see the door where I should have a foot in.

I believe (hope) that there are a few regular readers out there. Of course I have not been keeping up the interest levels with regular posts. So from now, I will try real hard to post at least once in a week or so.

Every writer keeps going because of feedback & here I wish for more.

Rich Rich Rich

I have been exposed..!! My post on the chicken rebellion has been published in JAM - a youth magazine. For those who like to read the same thing twice, here's the Cover story in JAM. This should surely open the door to publishing riches for me!

On a shaky table in a coffee shop

Have nt you wondered about why guys sit alone in Coffee shops ?

It is difficult try & accept it is probably a coincidence, when a series of things seem to go wrong in one day. And to fight the overwhelming feeling that these things can only happen to you. Yeah, right. And then to stop thinking about the damn Murphys law. Murphy is the biggest fatalist I know. I have a sneaking feeling that he was one of the founding fathers of the "Optimist-Pessimist" series of jokes.

I missed a train.

Normally this would not trigger off a cataclysmic series of events which would signal the end of the world as we know it. But then I dont normally miss trains.

Here was a day where I had booked far in advance. Then I get a chance of going home early. Being the homebody that I am, I decide to cancel my ticket, forego 50% of the original amount and reach the station about 1 hour before the departure of the earlier train.

There, I have eliminated any possibility of me missing the train. This includes traffic jams, political rallies, religious processions, quacks selling snake oil on the street, potholes going through a midlife crisis - who came first - the road or the pothole, & the ticket clerk who is having a bad day.

But no! How dare I forget the nimbleness that our railways have acquired in the post Laloo era. Surely train timings must be like everything else that we proud Indians stand for. Something so well epitomised by our cricketers - excellent average without the danger of being consistent.

The ticket clerk is indeed having a bad day - but my stupified look at being told that the train has left 20 mins back has given her whole day a new meaning. I can almost picture her years from now, sitting back on the easy chair & telling her grandchildren "I still remember like yesterday the day when that idiot came to buy a ticket......"

In Kerala, we have translated "misery loves company" as "Coconuts fall onto the head of a guy struck by lightning". And with so many bloody coconut trees sticking up like natural lightning arrestors, "it is not that hard to imagine".

So next time you see a lonely guy sitting in a coffee shop, tell him to stay away from coconut trees while there is lot of lightning.

Gods own..

My wife says that I am a walking advertisement for Kerala.

I say Why not.? It is still one of those places where quaint little plants go to sleep every night, during the day living together as part of joint families, where sleepy railway stations dot the countryside every five kilometres, the rails between them forming a steel necklace for the state. I feel that Kerala is like one of those old gramophone records, which require some winding now & then, plays its tune & stops without a repeat button. It gets to you. At times its green driving you crazy. At times its people.

The best way to see kerala is on its many trains. While it is raining. Sitting on the steps of the train. Looking out through the door. Getting drenched.

I feel everyone should have a favourite tree in the world. If you havent found yours yet, then Kerala is the place to start looking.

My favourite tree is by the backwaters on the Kollam-Trivandrum rail route. Just before the bridge from where you can see the sea & the backwater separated by a narrow road. For many years I thought about how it would be like feel like travelling on that road. When I did, I felt like I had lost a dream. That is the thing with dreams, I suppose.

My pick of the Best train journeys in Kerala
5. Quilon-Trivandrum on the Madurai Passenger for the many shades of sunsets
4. Entering Kerala on a monsoon morning from TN on the Madras Mail
3. Metre Gauge Train from Quilon - Shengottai
2. The coastal rail line along the Bekal fort in Kasargode
1. Crossing the river Nila on the never ending bridge near Ottapalam