Big Boss - Part II

While popularity of Indian cuisine hit an all time high last week, with the formal induction of the word 'Popaddum' into the Oxford dictionary as "a racial slur", the producers of the Indian 'Big Boss' show have been disappointed. Let alone a racial incident, there has not even been any catfights, throwing of cutlery at each other, abuse of family members, regional jokes, attempts at poisoning or even Karan Johar jokes worth mentioning, in the show yet.

Some observers say that the MTV show 'Roadies' - which are about teenagers trying to vote out each other, as opposed to Big Boss where middle aged men & women try the same thing - has got more expletives & intensity. Clearly more the bleeps, better the show. Big Boss's answer to the lack of apparent animosity among the housemates has been to provide as many opportunities as possible for Rakhi Sawant to break into a dance, wild gyrations et al. In a few episodes, Arshad Warsi had to do his 'Circuit' accent to provide some relief to the 3 viewers who regularly tune in.To ensure better viewership & more intensity, the producers have already thought of a few ideas.

1. Introduce Mika as a wild card entry & keep playing his latest song "Tumne pappi kyon li" constantly in the background.

2.The three judges of 'Nach Balliye' will evaluate each performance & offer tips on 'Chemistry' & 'dance quality'. Every three episodes one of them will cry. At the end of 5 episodes, Saroj Khan may collapse due to the sheer no of correct hip movements that she will have to demonstrate.

3. Ask Ekta KKapoor to be the guest producer. Faced with a certain extension of the show for upto 5 years, the contestants will really start thinking of ways to eliminate each other or at least jump over the swimming pool fence & run away.

4. Send in Himesh Reshammiya with a torch. After breaking down all other contestants through sheer lung power, eventually he will figure out that the torch is not a microphone & the world will discover whether he sleeps with his cap on or not.

5. Send in Salman & tell him that Carol Gracias' real name is 'black buck'

Cows !

There is this classic forward about two cows & what happens to them in different countries/systems etc. Never one to shy away from a remix, here s a desi version.

KERALA :You have two cows. As soon as you start milking one, there is a huge uproar from the milkers union about how you are trying to deprive poor milkmen of jobs. Then you start a ltd company & offer two milkmen jobs. From the first day there is a strike & lockout demanding better wages. In the meanwhile the court orders that there should be no more milking till the issue is settled by an Ombudsman.

TAMIL NADU :Jayalalithaa owns both the cows. A token is issued to every single Tamilian to collect 1 litre of free milk, a dhoti and a saree.

KARNATAKA :As they are brought into bangalore, the cows get stuck in a traffic jam for a week & die. The IT industry immediately highlights the issue & says how instead of milking cows, the govt should be worried about urban infrastructural issues.

ANDHRA PRADESH :The two cows are milked by foreign consultants & the milk given to the CM. But the entire andhra state can see the cows being milked through a webcam.

GOA :Both the cows are owned by Vijay Mallya. For his fiftieth birthday, all passengers on Kingfisher airlines enjoy beef vindaloo.

BOMBAY :The shiv sena claims that one of the cows is in fact not a Mumbaikar but one of the millions of migrants from rural india. In the following week, 500 cows are killed.

DELHI :There were two cows to begin with. After a week, one of the cows is raped in CP in the afternoon.