When Bush comes to shove

The past weeks have seen hectic activity across the 100 news channels in India with the impending arrival of who is billed as "ironically, the most powerful man in the universe with an IQ of a dead Texan bull who can accurately name the heads of state of almost two countries". The diplomatic community in India has been burning the midnight oil in its civilian facilities trying hard to achieve the impossible - not to come across as 'too clever' in front of Mr President. So it was decided that a 'special' group of people whom the President could relate to & share cowboy jokes with, would accompany him everywhere to keep the 'smart ones' out. Of course this meant that the President would not actually talk with anyone in India throughout his trip other than 'lip service' - where you see him on TV mumbling, laughing & patting everyone on the back while actually not saying anything.

A lot of potential candidates were screened for selection to this special,challenged group. The primary criteria being that you should fail the "Classic Bihar Entrance Test", which has been Indias most noted contribution to the field of science, after zero.You also had to talk tough & texan and be able to spot a weapon of mass destruction as soon as she walked past the next block.

Hundreds of people - including ex poor commentators turned longlasting-invertor brand ambassadors/ex vocal,inquisitive & donation-friendly parliamentarians/ex Indian Idol aspirants & judges/ex Miss India contestants & defenders of world peace - all went through the process but finally a group of three were chosen.

Beating all his contestants bare hands down & beating up some of them, Salman was the first chosen one. Not only was he chosen for his 'as fast as mumbai traffic' wit, but also for his '100% natural American accent' which would enable him to smoothly carry out one line conversations with the President. He was also expected to pass on a few tips of his own about foreign policy, having handled quite a number of foreign born models with consummate ease. Salman was quite happy to note that George and his vice president were avid hunters & looked forward to shooting down some of those damn deer without having to appear before a sub-magistrate.

After searching the width & depth of the entire cowbelt for a suitable candidate, the panel decided that one Mr Laloo, even with a depleted cow population after his cow shed was transformed into a server room by the new tech savy CM, was as close as you could get to a cowboy in India at such a short notice. Laloo himself wanted to crown his political career by getting George to announce a fully airconditioned 'Garibi Rath' from Patna to Pentagon. He also felt that George should really take it a bit easy by letting his 'First wife' to rule the country on his behalf.

The judges had a tough time choosing the last one as it really came down to the wire between Simi G & Karan J, both excellent talkers. But finally Simi G was chosen because not only could she use complex words like 'rendezvous' to mean idle banter with the intention of making one cry but also relate to the inner child in George, who practically made all decisions relating to foreign policy. Simi had all intentions of cracking a life time scoop with George & Laura but she was not sure if the President would dress up in white & wear a stars & stripes hat to match her decor.

With these three dynamic faces of India safeguarding George from the left front, the hartal called in Kerala & most importantly that blasted 'voice of reason', the diplomatic community was positive that the N deal would fall through.

(All persons, references to heads of state & countries and animals are fictitious. But those trying real hard might detect some similarities to real life people - but remember you brought them up)